Genuine feelings can be quite nasty things. Stubborn and self-willed. It’s unbelievable, breathtaking and awe-inspiring when they are born, but now and then, you might find yourself requiring them to die so that you can live – and that is when the problem arises.
The truest feelings once grown are incredibly durable, possessing a fierce survival instinct. In the beginning, feelings are dependent on you. Like nursery plants, they cannot survive without your constant care and attention. You must water them, position them properly for sunlight, and apply fertilizers… till you realize your interventions are no longer indispensable. Your adolescent feelings have fully matured to adulthood. They’d like your support, but they can survive well on their own. Frequently, the dynamics have so changed that you need them more than they do, you.
All is well for as long as the interpersonal, ideological or perceptual relationships that called for these feelings continue to thrive, and blossom. Should anything happen to those relationships, and you feel severely compelled to instantly neutralize your feelings, they can often turn and rebel against you.
One distinction is key. Despite being powerful forces, feelings are in no way immune from death or ceasing to exist. They are susceptible to dying by old age, sickness, or starvation. Natural causes. Where their survival instinct becomes a real pain is when you attempt to willfully assassinate them. The only way I know -perhaps the only way there is to deliberately snuff life out of a living feeling – is with your mind. On general principles, the mind is the worst nightmare of any feeling: it restricts them, enforces limits and keeps them in line. On the surface, it appears to be the best choice tool for elimination too.
But in my experience, when a feeling meets with a mindset bent not on restraining it, but breaking it beyond repair, the typical results are not what you anticipate. The mind leads a merciless onslaught against the target emotion, if it is a true one, the conflict can rage for quite a while. Some , for years. With persistence the mind wins, you’re exhausted, and you think it’s over. You won. Your safety is secured.
Much later, something happens and your instincts guide you to react in a flash. By the time your thoughts catch up with your actions, you are stunned. There was little or no reason to have done what you just did. Your brain quietly sweeps though the scenario and arrives at a disturbing conclusion: In the words of George T. Martin, Author of the Game of Thrones series, “What Is Dead May Never Die.”
Your feelings have lingered, hidden in shadows, at the distant outskirts of your mind, concealed by time and they waited. Waited until now to reveal their unexpected, continued existence. Be careful of the feelings you nurture, pay attention to the emotions you feed. You do not want an undying Frankenstein on your hands. Do you?
Feelings can be nasty and dangerous or truly, endlessly satisfying.